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So, I'm done with my job in two weeks.  For the past five years, I've worked at this restaurant.  I've spent countless hours there, made awesome friends, laugh cried and loved the rush of a busy Saturday night.

What do I do now?

I'm scared, financially...I have money saved up but how long will it last me? I'll be ok till the end of the year...I'm pretty sure I can find a job by then, work a few pavilions, maybe get a server job in the meantime.  This means no splurging, no shopping sprees, and the hardest for me...no eating out. 

Maybe this will lead to a new, healthier me.  Or maybe I'll find a job within the month and I won't have to worry and I can buy that Michael Kors bag that I've been eyeing. 

I don't want to tell my parents who will be so severely disappointed in me.  Maybe after a few months of job hunting I'll go back to the restaurant...they said they would take me back and make room for me.  Maybe I should have stayed until I found a new job...but go crazy in the process.  Even now, I don't want to go back to work...only thing that's really making me stay is the paycheck.  I can get benefits with my boyfriend.  The GM and the owner drive me mad and my co-manager is incompetent.  I feel like I have to work 10 times harder to cover his ass.

Yeah, it was a hard summer and it could have gone a lot worse but I'm tired of feeling so burnt out all the time, and so short staffed.  But I'm worried if it's the same at every restaurant. 

OMG!!!! I just got called for an interview at Girl and the Goat!!!  I could actually meet the Top Chef Chicago winner and work with her!!!!

I think things will work out great ^_^!

Writer's Block: Instant wish

If you could have one--and only one--wish granted in the next five minutes, what would you wish? How do you think it would improve your life?

Win the lottery, I know money doesn't solve everything but I would love to be able to really give back to my family and to take care of my boyfriend.  And it would be nice not to kill myself working 60+ hours a week.

Done

So I just broke up with my boyfriend.  It had to be done...

I love him, I really do but with the long distance, the drug use, and a myriad of other reasons I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't pretend and say that everything was fine and was going to work out ok.  i couldn't have him calling me and visiting me if i was going to feel like this that there was something wrong with us being together. 

I'm resisting the urge to call him right now, to say I take it back and that maybe it could work because deep down I know it's not going to work.  I wouldn't be acting the way I've been acting if I wanted to make things work.
The past few weeks it's been really frustrating.  I thought that once we got past Mother's Day we would get into the groove of summer and everything would be ok.

Not so much.

Mike quit on Saturday.  I'm sad because we lost a good server and that I felt that it was partly my fault.  I understand completely why he left and I sometimes wonder why he didn't leave sooner.  I'm also glad that he's going to be a happier person because he left.  And it's kind of a relief that I don't have to deal with the effects of my little crush on me.  I have a boyfriend who I love very much and who I hope to spend the rest of my life with but it's hard not to crush on someone who you've liked for a long time.  So now I don't have to worry if I'm doing any kind of favoritism in any way.

My friend Michelle is leaving in a couple of weeks for the big city and I'm also feeling conflicted.  We're not as good friends as we used to be.  We don't talk, we don't hang out anymore, we only see each other at work and there I'm so wrapped up in managing and she's so angry all the time that it's really degrading our relationship.  But I can't help but see why her husband  would leave her so often.  I've never met someone who's so angry and emotional all the time.  She needs to stop serving, transferring to Chicago won't make her happy.  The change of venue will put a bright light on things for a little bit but eventually she'll get angry again.

And my GM?  I want to kill her on a daily basis.  She has a way of talking to you that makes you feel like you're the stupidest person in the world and that everything she says is reasonable, until you try to do what she says in the real world.  It feels like every day I just want to turn in my two weeks and see how much they would flounder around with out me.  I really should talk to her about what I'm feeling instead of holding it back but I feel like it's just going to make everything worse.  I'm not the best communicator sometimes and she is really really really horrible at communication, English is definitely a second language for her.  I don't even know how to explain to her the stress and how I feel when she talks to me.

Spring Cleaning

Found today while cleaning out my car and stuff from my storage space:

- Staind CD
- Pic of me and my ex boyfriend
- Notebooks filled with my attempt at Power Ranger Fan Fiction
- Random journal entries in random notebooks
- The diamond and gold flower ring that my mother gave me, who she got from her mother
- 15 pairs of shoes and 10 bags in my car
- old books, among them my favorite filipino cook book
- candles and various decorating items
- Sailor Mercury figurine
- swarovski crystal stretchy bracelets, i remember being obsessed with these
- millions of memories of the past 10 years.

I am not a lady.

I closed last night.  I don't usually close on the weekdays and it was a nice change of pace being surrounded by all the senior servers and bussers.  Paty and I were talking with our GM, she's Iranian, young, in her 30's but comes from a culture completely different from my own.  We were talking about our home lives and she said in Iran that a woman must know how to cook, how to clean, and how to sew to be a lady.

I enjoy cooking, i don't clean and i don't sew...I am not a lady.

I swear, I love video games and guns and violence.  Part of me wants to be lady-like, but that's not who I am.  I'm a tomboy in some aspects and girly in others.

I am a woman but I'm certainly not a lady.
So I'm playing some psu with some of my friends and a guy who's friends with someone in the xbl party chat with me joins in.  XBL chat can be kind of confusing, especially if you're playing with mostly guys because it can be up to eight people talking at once and usually at the same time.  So this guy comes in and asks about my gamertag, it's a girl's name and since i'm the only girl in the party obviously it's mine.  Then he tells me that my avatar is hot and that he and his friends messed around with the avatar editor system and could not make an avatar that's as nice looking as mine.

By this time all my friends and I are laughing our asses off.  I love my xbl guys, we've known each other for almost two years now and they see me more as a gamer than as a girl.  The guy even asks me to friend him so that he can show his friends how good my avatar looks.  I do this and while I'm playing i keep getting random friend requests.

I guess I should be flattered, I did kinda base my avatar off myself as much as I could.  What I'd like to do is have someone else make my avatar for me.  My friend had his girlfriend do his avatar and it looks so much like him that it's kind of scary.  Lol, my avatar gets hit on more than me!

Where are all my nerds at?

Maybe part of what draws me to The Big Bang Theory is the fact that I need more nerds in my life.  I have plenty at least virtually and online.  I've met so many great guys who like the same things I do.  But in real life?  It's been pretty paltry.  There are few nerds in the restaurant business unfortunately or at least none that I've met.

But it would be nice to meet a guy who is into fandom, who gets as obsessive as I do, who plays video games, who's had similar experiences as I've had in high school and college, and someone who would treat me well and care for me.  A good looking guy is nice and all but give me someone who I can talk to for hours on end.  Especially if it's about sci fi ^_^.

Sheldon/Penny Fever

I have to say, I haven't been moved by a ship this much in such a long time.  Something about their interactions, not just on the show but how other people have perceived them, wow, I just connect with it so much.  And my god the fan fiction, there isn't much of it but it's all so well written and so in character.  It's even made me want to start writing again, and it's been at least 2 years since I've even picked up a pen.

i think part of my love is the fact that identify with both of the characters.  i was voted smartest girl in high school, I was the one in all the honors classes, and had the highest gpa for a girl in my class.  On the flipside, I've been in and out of long relationships, had bad breakups and spent a lot of my time trying to find myself and figure out what i want.  I am Sheldon.  I am Penny.

ETA:  Sorry so caught up in this ship that I didn't even mention where it's from, The Big Bang Theory, and please check out sheldon_penny .

Tip Karma

Even though I don't serve any more, I'm still a big believer in tip karma.  If you are generous with the tips on other people, it will eventually come back to you.  And in an even broader respect, I also believe in general restaurant karma.  If you're a good diner and also a good employee, good things will come your way too.

I wonder if people have inherently bad karma or not.  Take for example Mike L, he wrote a little note to management that he constantly gets fucked over at the restaurant.  Be it bad sections, bad customers, bad parties, bad seatings...he always seems to get the short end of the stick at work.  Normally I would blow this off that he just isn't a good server, but that's really not true.  He's not the best server there, he doesn't have the food or wine knowledge and I have a feeling that he's still trying to fit in and adjust with the groups there, but he does work really hard and I know that the other management put him on the list of the better people in the serving pool.  And it seems the more we try to help him out on sections and seatings, the worse it gets.

Then I think about what he's told me about other places, that he didn't get along with management over there.  He got screwed over on shifts and schedules, and I wonder if maybe his karma is really out of whack.  It's not really about our restaurant, it's about him and his attitude towards everything.  He really never comes in very cheery or optimistic.  That translates so easy to your customers.

Of course I want him to stay, but part of me wants him to leave cuz if you're not happy then it does no good to stay and stew.  And also because I've had a crush on him for awhile and it would be less distracting if he wasn't around.  I wouldn't have to worry about playing favorites with him. I get the feeling that he knows that I like him cause he never really mentions his girlfriend around me.  hell, i didn't even know he had one until he friended me on facebook.  And he gets a lil too close sometimes, and he's way too cute for his own good...sigh i was really trying to not make this another crush post.